inadequacy

I’d like to think that everyone has, at some point in their life, felt inadequate about something. I do. I constantly devalue myself when it comes to creativity, and yes I know it’s not healthy.

One of my new resolutions is to stop being so hard on myself when it comes to my creative work, but sometimes that voice is still in the back of my head, telling me that I’m not good enough, will never be good enough compared to Big Name Writer or This One Guy, etc. I tell myself, “I’m just some college student. My writing isn’t nearly as experimental or powerful as these folks. What do I have compared to these people?”

As horribly cliche as it is, I really am my own worst critic. Rejection letters couldn’t damage my self-esteem as badly as I do to myself. But I tend to forget about the positive things too. I need to congratulate myself more, focus on why this poem doesn’t work instead of, “well this sucks”.

This isn’t an overnight thing or even a six-month progress report. I’m still going to slip into days (or maybe even weeks) where I’m just down and not even look at my poetry.

I just have to keep moving on. Put work on the backburner and keep being creative, even if I grow to hate whatever I’ve produced. Because if I don’t, then I really won’t go anywhere.

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